It also leads to relationships and social environments where you may be mistreated in the same ways you were mistreated as a child. This also makes it impossible to resolve the childhood trauma for the same reason, as it is vital to emotionally connect and empathize with your childhood experiences without justifying the people who failed to meet your needs. Feeling empathy for the people who hurt you before feeling empathy for yourself. This blocks empathy for yourself, especially empathy for the child that you once were because you can’t connect with the feelings you felt when you were a child, and by extension makes it impossible to fully heal the original trauma that lead you to have these problems in the first place.Ĥ. Believing that If you recognize the trauma, abuse, or other injustices I suffered, you will be weak, flawed, a victim-and that’s totally unacceptable. This often leads to you feeling lonely, isolated, unnecessarily distrustful, or that “you’re alone against the world.” It’s very hard for you to express your needs to others, or sometimes even recognize that you have needs.ģ. Believing that you can’t ask for help and have to do everything yourself. Or, you become counter-depended, where you emotionally act in an overly protective manner and people can’t get close to you, which leads to unsatisfying relationships.Ģ. This results in being disconnected from your needs, sometimes to the degree where you ignore being tired, hungry, full, depressed, and so on. Believing that you always have to be strong. Here are some of the more common beliefs and emotional issues related to it:ġ. The Consequences of Having to “Grow Up Too Fast”Īs a result of this horrible psychological dynamic, the person eventually develops a myriad of psychological, emotional, intellectual, and social problems that can haunt them for the rest of their life. And so they start to act as a “mature, responsible adult” while the actual adult is taken care of as though they were the child. The child internalizes this role and it becomes their self-understanding. The adult, in contrast, takes on the role of the child. Role-reversal means that the caregiver assigns their role onto the child and therefore the child is seen as somebody who has to take care of the caregiver and possibly others. This is not a one-time thing, but a persistent atmosphere the child has no choice but to live in.Īnd two, the child “grows up too fast” because of what in psychology is sometimes called role-reversal. Or they are expected to be perfect, and if, naturally, they are imperfect, they then receive harsh negative consequences for it. Consequently, the child is expected, for example, to perform a task without anybody actually teaching them how to do it, and is punished if they fail. One, it happens because parents attribute unfair responsibility and unrealistic standards onto their children. Its origins can be summarized in two main points. Many children grow up in an environment where they are neglected and abused in such ways that they become “little adults” who, not only can take care of themselves better or are wiser than others, but also take care of their parents, siblings, or other family members. What is frequently called “growing up too fast” or “being mature beyond your years” is simply neglect and abuse. We will explore and address all of this here. It’s a justification because it is often used to argue that growing up faster and becoming “mature beyond your years” is indeed a good thing. One of the most common euphemisms and justifications for a certain type of childhood trauma is “growing up too fast.” It is a euphemism because it is used to minimize the pain that the person felt as a child when their needs weren’t being met by describing it in seemingly neutral or even positive language.
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